The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize