wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
