Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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