Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
