weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
