just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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