you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize