After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
