hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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