In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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