Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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