He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
