i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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