I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
