My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
