Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
