i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Panties = found
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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