proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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