Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
