DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
