sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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