K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
