Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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