Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
