You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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