Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
