i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
