She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
