I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
