So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Boobs speak an international language.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
