I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
