it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
