Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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