I just pynch a tree in the face
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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