It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My bed smells like the plague
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
