Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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