I think my fart just growled at me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
