New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
