TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
