Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
