He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize