I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
