i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
