I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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