I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
