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I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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