Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize