don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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