Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
