Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
