whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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