I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
