I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
