Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
