I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
