I am puke
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
