god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
