when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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