Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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