Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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