Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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