yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
