Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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